Through Red-colored Lenses

I am full of aggravation. I’m surrounded by negative people that make me want to scream, or throw myself in front of a train. It’s like falling off a cliff and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it.
If it weren’t for kung fu I’d probably have snapped by now. Suddenly I don’t have time to do anything. And I think I’m starting to sacrifice my happiness and sanity for the sake of work- which also equals the happiness of my aunt. More than that, my schoolwork is already starting to suffer. There’s so much pressure and the constant unnecessary lectures really don’t help. Constant annoyance has provoked me into anger, and I’m normally a very patient person.
I don’t really care to find my breaking point, but I think I’m being pushed in that direction a little more every day.

I got a new hat today. That made me happy.

I have to get my life in order. Starting with schoolwork because I'm have trouble find the part of me that cares and wants to succeed. The tired, lazy part of me that wants to sleep all the time is taking over.
And a lot of my teachers are intimidating this semester, so I'm feeling pretty insecure about my work at the moment. I know I have to have a thick skin but their opinions matter to me and I've already been put down on the first day of one of my classes...

I know I'm not a terrible artist, but I'm not so great either. I can talk about passion and love of art, but I'm not sure I have that. I do enjoy it and it's something I would like to be great at, but it doesn't mean it's the only thing I can do. Stupid jack-of-all-trades is mediocre at everything.
I probably should have become a carpenter, or an engineer, or a mechanic, or maybe even an architect. Unfortunately my life up untl now has never lead in that direction so I guess I'll never know and I don't think I could handle another life change.

I'm already bogged down with work, and so far I can only take it a day at a time and only barely that sometimes. I'd also like to start dieting, but I seem to have zero will power.
I hope I'm not becoming depressed again, but I feel like I'm losing sight of any goals I might have had.

I'm such a pitiful artist, I never draw in my free time even if I have the urge to. Most of the time I'm too tired and braindead, and don't want to add frustration from a bad drawing too it.

I get enough frustration at work, when I come home I just want to be mindless -_- Doesn't speak well of my job.

In my mind, I'm planning as if I'm not going to be working at the store after I graduate. But really I'll probably be working there for a while. Unless I move out and support myself, in which case I need to quit and get a job with things like insurance and a salary that'll pay rent.

I'm really excited about the prospect of making armor for Otakon. Maybe I can develop a studio/workshop and make costumes and draw for a living *_*
Pretty much my ideal combination right there. I should take some sewing classes and learn to make patterns. Fun stuffs.

sigh.

Setting up yet another journal since many of my favorite fandoms have moved over here. It seems well enough besides and seems a good set-up for a Kabuki theme if I ever get time to do that...

which means probably never.

My life is work, work aggravation, work frustration, work boredom, one week vacation, more work, then back to school!

....where my best friends I hang out with there won't be in my block. ;_; it's going to be a long... loooong year.